I FEEL LIKE I AM HOLDING A TON OF TEETERING BRICKS

I don't know what is wrong with me these days. I feel like I am constantly on the verge of tears. My life has suddenly gotten more difficult and complicated. There are so many balls in the air and I just don't know which one to catch.

I feel like a lot of the time I cannot say these things to people I know because they are either 1.) going through the same thing I am with much more grace, 2.) stressed because of their own circumstances, or 3.) deeply religious and thinks I should be able to leave it to God and not worry.

All I can think of in this time is the pile of lists that I need to work on. Sometimes I am able to calm down a little and think about Matthew 6:26.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

I know that I should let go and that things have a way of working themselves out. I know that God does take care of things in my life way better than I could have. But I cannot stop thinking that if I leave one thing undone or just let things work out by themselves, nothing will work out.

I've decided to just write everything down and then just leave it alone. I will do what I can with what I have and trust that God will take care of the rest.

Issue 1:
The priest that brought me into the Catholic church and confirmed me last year passed away last Wednesday. I cannot stop thinking about him. His casket is at the church right now and I am afraid to see him. Yesterday when I went to mass, I didn't know that he was there with us until we went up for the Eucharist. I was shocked. Not scared but it just seemed so real. I could not help but feel as if I lost a family member. I wish I had spent more time getting to know him. I wish I wasn't out of town last weekend and I wish I had gone to mass that Sunday so that I could have seen him one last time. For the short time that I knew him, he made a deep impact on me.

Issue 2:
I need to lease my apartment or lose $4,000 defaulting on my lease. I thought I had found someone to take over my lease but the boy backed out this morning. There have been a few more people interested but I need to get this stuff done within the week.

Issue 3:
I have to take my final certification exam tomorrow. The subject is math. I do not feel prepared. I have tonight to study.

Issue 4:
Final exams, etc. are starting up. I am not really worried about the exams but I missed a lab in my Native Plants course that I need to make up. I have a doctor's note but the teacher scheduled all the make up tomorrow morning when I have my certification exam. I told her over a month ago that I had this exam. I hope she lets me take it another day.

Issue 5:
I need to find an apartment in Galveston and move in very soon after graduation. I have not even started looking yet and graduation is on the 5th of December. I feel like I need to pack and everything or I will not have enough time to finish everything.

Issue 6:
I am worried that I will not do well in my new job. This is an entirely new thing for me and I am scared.

Issue 7:
I need to get Shaq fixed. I need to find a better rabbit hutch for the two bunnies.

There is so much more but I'm just wasting time writing this all down. Time that I should spend studying and other stuff. Ugh. It's nice to vent. The knot in my stomach is somewhat loosened.