RIP BOB

Yesterday at around 4:00 pm, Bob passed away.

We had an appointment at the vet at 3:50 pm. When we got there, the vet started by checking his teeth. She had a vet assistant hold Bob down. I thought she was rough with him but not extremely rough. The vet ended up not being able to see anything. When she adjusted him to listen to his heart, he laid down on his side and started hiccuping. She rushed him into the oxygen tank and tried to get him stable. He was breathing better but the vet said that she wasn't sure if Bob would make it out of the vet office and suggested that I put him down. I refused because I could never do that to Bob and especially without Jordan being there. She told me I should call Jordan to let him know how sick Bob was.

I went back to the check up room to get my phone to call Jordan and as I was walking back, they said the they were unable to find a heartbeat.

He just passed.

They gave me some time with him and I petted him and cried a little. Then they came back and gave me a box to put him in. They said I could keep the towel he was laying on (thanks a lot ... ) and charged me $17 for letting him die there.

We were there for less than 10 minutes and he died. I think he would have a little more time if I just kept him at home and fed him by hand. He might have been pain but he would have been less stressed.

I am pretty sure that it was the stress of going to the vet that killed him.

I went to Target and bought a plastic tub and a small shovel after the vet office. I placed him on a bed of alfalfa hay and said a few prayers to St. Francis and burned my Scared Heart candle for him. I left my rosary with him and covered him with another layer of alfalfa hay. I dug a hole by Jordan's apartment. I really worry about him out there because I'm worried that someone will find him. Jordan said that when he comes home he will help me dig a better and deeper hole so I can feel better about him and not worry about his body.

I miss him and I am sorry that I did not take better care of him. I will never forget Bob and will never forgive myself for leaving him alone for 2 months and only visiting to feed him.

Also, I took pictures of Bob's "funeral" and stuff. I don't know if that is morbid or what but I felt like I needed to ...