i am not taking my chemistry exam until the 4th of august because my teacher advised me to do so. she was really nice about it and she talked to me about it even before i told her that i wasn't feeling great and was unprepared. 

on another note ... i hate my dad. i physically hate him. he is rude and inconsiderate. it's not just that he thinks that all his things are more important than everyone else's ... it's that he only sees one side of everything and he demands that he gets what he wants. i mean it's how i am most of the time but he is the original. 

he comes into my room and asks me if i have been studying my chemistry today and i said that i have been in bed all day and that really set him off. he just yelled and yelled about being a doctor, being dumb for failing chemistry, being lazy, blah blah blah ... jordan was on the phone with me and he heard it all. now he understands where i learned my problem solving skills. 

i really hate my dad. he tries to live out his hope and dreams through me and jennifer and disregards anything that we would like to do in life. i think it is lame that he always talks about work and makes himself sound like such an office hero. i think it is stupid that he makes himself sound so beat up with all the grants that he has to write and i think it is dumb that every time he helps someone with something he has to tell EVERYONE about it several times ... 

"oh, poor dr. chang ... he doesn't have any grant money and cannot pay his technician's salary so i offered to pay it for him since we use his animals very often ... i mean i don't have to do it but he is such a good guy. i also offered to pay him 5% of his salary. he really should retire but since i am paying him some money from my own grant he thinks that he still had funding but it is really mine ... " 

he can go on and on ... it is so annoying. if you are going to offer someone help because he is a good guy to have him on your team, then that is all. it is an equal relationship. 

not only that, he will talk about how much help he offers the japanese post doctorates ... he helps write their papers, he discusses their projects, etc. i know that it is a lot of work, but IT IS YOUR JOB! 

he complains and gossips about everyone. 

anyway, he has always pushed me and jen into medicine as a career. i think (and i may be wrong) that he did us a disservice. when you are little and people tell you that you can do everything in the world, it gives you a chance to think about and dream about what you wanted to do in your life ... i didn't get to do that because doctor was the right choice ... the ONLY choice. i prepared all my life to be a doctor. i took tons of science classes (that other kids didn't take), volunteered at the children's hospital, worked at utmb for THREE summers, and a lot of other stuff. it's been a lot of work that i didn't have to do. it's a lot of work that i did while all my friends were going on vacation and taking art and writing classes. 

now, even if i refuse to be a doctor i have no career options. i have no idea what i could do if i weren't a doctor. my dad has made me too scared to NOT be a doctor. 

i really hate him. after i finish chemistry i am quitting. i am going to drop all my other scheduled chemistry and physics classes and i am going to focus on my psychology degree and then figure out what to do after that. i know i can be a counselor for little kids or a social worker ... i just need to do research and figure out what to do. i am 20 years old and it is high time that i stand up for myself and just do what i want. it is my life and i am the one who has to live it everyday.